Enjoy the outdoors?
Can raise your voice in a crowd?
Maybe you’ve tossed a stone across a pond? Or cast a fishing rod? Perhaps you can start a mower?
Well, the National Football League is looking for able-bodied men like you to play quarterback at the professional level. No prior experience is required! Nor is the ability to accurately throw a football. The NFL is about so much more in 2021.
Listen up Average Joe ...
We want men with chiseled features, sharp hair and cool names. Are you a Zach, Baker, Case or Tyler? We want you and your bravado, and that inflated sense of your own abilities, too. But more importantly, we want short-term memory because with your distinct lack of instinct on the gridiron, you’re going need it!
Join the NFL and be a part of sports infamy. We play the games to win, sure, but whether or not you do won’t be held against you. We’re all about the equal opportunity that mediocrity affords and, as many of our young quarterbacks will attest to, the NFL is a nurturing environment of second and third chances. Peg the ball in the stands? No problem, there’s always another down. Run into your own lineman and lose yards? It happens. Can't spot a 6'5 linebacker ten yards away, hey we've all been there. What matters most is that you realize your true calling will come after your playing days are over - once you single-handedly root your club in long-term devastation.
Timeout! In the pro game, ineptitude is a strength and overconfidence is a virtue. Listen kid, the NFL is no longer a league of Staubach, Montana or the Mannings. No, pro football has come a long way since and is ready to accommodate the supremely average skills of all comers. We want your indecision and inability to process information. Pocket presence is frowned upon. And tight spirals are a waste of energy. Yes, the new NFL thrives on crappy quarterback play and this is your opportunity to be a part of the magic!
Don’t delay. Fill out our online application and send it in promptly - or not - we don’t expect you to hit any targets here, paperwork is no exception!
Sign up today and get your one page playbook mailed back free of charge. We don't even expect you to learn it because faking a hand-off and then scrambling around like a lunatic has become the default NFL play. If you can master that, you'll be on your way to Canton in no time.
