Aaron Rodgers calls up Tom Brady for quarterback advice

 

After stunning the NFL world with some uncommon mediocrity (good band name that), Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady got on the blower for some consoling and counseling. We tapped that call using a high-tech headset loaned to us by Bill Belichik. It went as follows ... 

Brady: "Hey man ..."

Rodgers: "Hey, how you doin'?"

Brady: "Well we finally won - you see it?"

Rodgers: "Nah, I was picking up a black cardigan at Walmart ... but good for you, man."

Brady: "Thanks, thanks - feels good. How 'bout you guys, what's goin' on?"

Rodgers: "Argggghhhhh .. I don't know, I don't know ... just crap ... dammit! We're dog-sh*t."

Brady: "Hey take it easy man - language!"

Rodgers: "Oh, sorry, you with the kids?"

Brady: "Naw, I'm making a celery shake ... I just don't like negativity in the air when handling marshland plants."

Rodgers: "Sure, sure, I hear you. Speaking of which, let me turn the fan on, I just cut one - damn vegan donuts."

Brady: "Oh, I love those ...but yeh, they can hit between the numbers ..."

Rodgers: "Oh daaammnnn ..."

Brady: "So I just saw the score man - the Lions?! Wow ... what the f$%@ happened?

Rodgers: "Ahhhhh, no idea ... every throw ... it's there, but not ... er, I'm off balance ... kilter... it's killer ... like when you finish a latte, you know, and you realize the jerk-wad gave you full cream instead of almond ... it's seconds before you drop your load at that point ... but I'm relaxed, you can't clench."

Brady: "Totally, totally. Man ... I feel for you ... it's not easy, it's taken us weeks to get another 'W', and even then ... it was a total toss-up."

Rodgers: "I just saw it on TV ... you think I need to yell more like you do?"

Brady: "Couldn't hurt. Listen, I blasted my Uber driver last night after hot yoga and I've never seen a m@&#%$*er drive so quick, you know?"

Rodgers: "Yeh, yeh. I was going to unleash on some reporters today ...such, ah, er, asinine questions ... but changed my mind 'cause I remembered I like press ... and a lot of it."

Brady: "Of course. It's all about being heroism at the end of the day. And you know what A-R, among all the sh*tty QBs right now, nobody looks more heroic than an older skinny guy."

Rodgers: "You're right, we are incredibly ... ah ... yeh ... did you see me in all black during the presser? The hoodie, the hat ...

Brady: "I saw man! I almost spat my beetroot taco ... you looked freaking deadly, like Papa Smurf crossed with a ninja -- "

Rodgers: "That's exactly right, that's ... well ... I call it Ninja Smurf!"

Brady: "That's terrific man ... hey listen, I've got a double date tonight so I gotta run, but you hang in there, okay?"

Rodgers: "For sure man, who you seeing?"

Brady: "Oh nobody you know - they're twins ... "

Rodgers: "Oh good, good for you. Two-man rush, eh?"

Brady: "Easy ..."

Rodgers: "Oh, right, celery ..."

Brady: "Keep your chin up, alright ... and try not to throw off you backfoot ... sidearm ... or with sourpuss on your face ... or all three at once ... you know what I mean."

Rodgers: "Yeh, I know. Arrggghhhhh ... I might go shopping for a black snuggie ..."

Brady: "That-a-boy! And try one of those potato shake recipes I emailed you. Take care, 12."

Rodgers: "You too, 12, hugs."

Brady: "Out."