Washington Football Team Name Change That Just Makes Sense

Before quarterback Rex Grossman left the Washington "Redskins", the most apt new name for the club was obvious—the Washington Rex-slings.

Not only would that moniker have eased over the tongue like chili from Ben's, but would've born culture relevance, and dare I say, gravitas. The old silhouetted logo might have been adapted to Rex’s face too, his crew cut neatly replacing the current feathers atop it. Equally as important, the old school ‘R’ would have stayed put as a result. It was just a win-win for Washington's marketing department and Hog fans alike.

But unfortunately Rexy is long gone from the scene, his slingshots will soon send third-string vapor trails across the Indiana sky. 

Well, as wonderful as it all would have been, nothing can’t happen until Mr Grossman goes back to Washington. And cursory visits, like his last preseason pine warming years ago, just aren't enough. We need him in the burgundy and gold to make this all a reality. 

So until then, there are several other name suggestions that might satisfy picketers. Firstly, I’m not against RedHawks, but it’s not quite right is it? It would require a drastic logo change, and while many people want a clean break from Washington’s footballing past, there’s no need to transform the entire image is there? For this reason, I’m higher on RedFeathers. There’s something dignified about it. And it rolls—not quite like Rexslings—but it still drops from your lips in a tight end-over-end fashion. It’d also work with all existing logos.

The other name suggestion worth consideration is Braves, mostly because it was the team's original name back in 1932, but also has better brand implications than the current nickname. Club insiders could appease owner Dan Snyder with this one as well, by noting the courage needed to make the switch, especially after he has long resisted. They could draw up pie charts and powerpoint graphs that show how the move could reshape his reputation, raising it from Richard Nixon territory to Theismann and Duke Ellington company.

Still, I know what you’re thinking. You can’t get Rexslings out of your head, right? Me neither. There’s still time America. There's still time.

RG3 and the complete Redskins arsenal

Everybody’s talking about the Redskins' Pistol offense like it’s the silver bullet for all attacking woes. Maybe it is. But let’s not kid ourselves---most NFL teams don’t have a quarterback who can run three yards, let alone the read-option style RG3 has made his own.

In the event league copycats defy common sense---and clubs like the Texans cock the Pistol with bulky Matt Schaub, or the Ravens with gangly Joe Flacco---rest assured Washington will be ready with a range of other weapon-monikered approaches. 

We list them for the first time here on Why Football Is Cool:

The Cannon: A tailback and vintage WW1 cannon line up on either side of RG3, eight feet from center. Once the ball is snapped, RG3 can fake to his running mate who cuts left, or drop the ball into the mouth of the cannon, light the fuse, and fire downfield 70 yards to an open receiver. The key wrinkle is that RG3 can stuff himself into the cannon like Wile E. Coyote for a more dangerous but spectacular TD attempt, if he chooses.

The Slingshot: A difficult maneuver which, much like the banjo, requires strong fingers and a sense of rhythm. RG3 lines the team up in the I formation. On the snap, he shuffles back two quick steps, where the tailback (standing behind) hooks two fingers into Griffin's pants, on the belt line. He holds, then pirouettes, while simultaneously dragging the QB around in a circle---like a hammer thrower in the Olympics---before spinning him to the flat, where RG3 will either regather his balance and follows blockers downfield, or catapult into the opposition's coaching staff on the sideline. A win-win really.

The Trojan Horse: An excellent goal line play inspired by rugby tactics, in which RG3 runs a play action, but as he withdraws the ball from the stomach of his tailback, hides it under his jersey. Both QB and RB tumble into the o-line clutching at their stomachs. Here’s the fun part: A wide receiver will circle back behind the line of scrimmage to collect the ball dropped by RG3 between his legs. The wideout then continues around the edge, and downfield for the score. Arm-in-arm singing and beer drinking ensue.

The Bow and Arrow: This is absolutely unstoppable---if it's snowing, or foggy. RG3 lines up in the Pistol, so the defense is back on its heels. When the ball is snapped he fakes the hand off to one side, and all three backs quickly adopt the pose of an archer, which suitably mimics a throwing play. The defense can’t tell who's tossing the ball, and holds for a moment, at which time Griffin charges up the middle. This is a trusty third down play, and looks even better if you have a 6’5" Jamaican sprinter in your backfield.

The Grenade: As the name suggests, this is both an explosive play, and one with limited accuracy. There are two receivers either side, and a fullback comes in for extra protection. The ball is hiked to RG3 who spins around, now with his back to the defense. It’s imperative that the fullback levels any incoming rushers. The QB holds for a second, then heaves the ball with one cupped hand over the opposite shoulder, as if tossing a grenade. He should ideally aim for a corner, away from the fray, because this is essentially a short-field Hail Mary. (The play is otherwise known as the Three Hail Marys, due to the incredible blind faith required).

Feasting on the NFC East

If Thanksgiving reminded us of anything, it's to be thankful for the NFC East, in spite of the baked and basted Eagles.

The division is mouthwatering, stuffed like a festive bird with all the trimmings---entertaining quarterbacks, rumbling pass rushers, gruff coaches and most importantly, rivalries of immense theatre. That's the key element in prolonging the peak of interest, defying the natural occurrence of a singular crescendo---the theatre of unpredictability. And the reigning champion New York Giants are about as unpredictable as it gets; the Cowboys as disappointing; the Redskins as thrilling; and the Eagles, well, as unseasoned. A dramatic stage has been set.

Already the Redskins deserve a standing ovation. Here was a club, so grossly commandeered from behind the offensive line and via the headset for years, you wondered if owner, Daniel Snyder, might be an even worse distributor of funds than, say, James Cameron, or Michael Bay---both world beaters in that category. Washington is suddenly more animated than Avatar ever was. 

The yet to be knighted Robert Griffin III provides the 'Skins a spread of offensive treats so sumptuous, the half-smoked hot dog from Ben's Chili Bowl is salivating. Certainly his running is a worry for defenders because truly good runners are capricious. Griffin not only cuts, he swivels and launches. It's untenable. But it's something further with him---he's unnerving. Michael Vick can tear past and edge, and yet, his presence doesn't unhinge ends in the same way. Not anymore. Griffin's attack, by contrast, is illusive as he probes for space with his feet, squeezes the ball into gaps as if it were malleable, and he finds room for that hair inside his helmet, perhaps that most unreal feat of all. 

Now that Washington is on a roll, it's feasible they could be carving Christmas turkey with a sense of comfort only a divisional leader can savour. But let's not belittle the Giants. All New Yorkers, not just those of grand political stature, or of regimented blue uniform, fight to the bitter end. It's just their way. So we should assume Big Blue Defense & Co. will bust through any complacency, and ultimately crash the playoffs. It's inevitable and you know it.

So which end of the saloon does that leave the Cowboys? In view of the leggy blonde eyeing out a Springsteen number on the Jukebox, or mumbling into a Miller Lite in the darkened corner beneath the elk? Perhaps halfway up the bar, with neither a shot at Dancing in the Dark, nor receiving hallucinatory advice from a mounted deer.

Tony Romo and Dez Bryant connected on two splendid touchdowns against the Redskins on Thanksgiving Day, which is presumably easy on your home turf and in front of a famous country singer. But for all the Cowboys' wild talent, Romo's relentless gun-slinging, and Bryant's powerful stride, they are surely victims of their own expectations. And ten gallons of good intention can't overcome that.

Against the Burgundy and Gold, America's Team stared down the barrel of a 25-point deficit---and Jerry Jones' distasteful glare---and yet, Romo bullet-holed the opposing defense like it was the O.K. Corral. Four-hundred and forty-one yards worth of spirals from the Dallas quarterback's arm later, the smoke cleared and Griffin's grin sparkled. 

Somewhat like his hero, John Elway, Griffin has that intangible knack for success. This irrepressibility is proving the difference in the NFL's toughest division.

Vote Tim Hightower in Washington

The latest from the capital is that Tim Hightower is the likely nominee to start in the Washington Redskins backfield come Week 1. 

The newcomer has benefited greatly from his D.C. surrounds, a strong supporting cast, and most importantly, an offensive policy that plays to his strengths. The men protecting the fourth-year back out of Richmond have sealed blocks supremely thus far, allowing their nimble running mate to break off a couple of scorching runs during these "primaries". 

Coach Shanahan's linemen are certainly a quick and bold congress, shifting as they need, and able to hold defenders on the weak side. Their resolve encourages Hightower's sharp cutbacks. As a result, Washington  leads the NFL in running this preseason with 152.3 yards per game, and Hightower contributes 6.8 yards per carry to that total. This is a player whose career 3.9 yard average had made him disposable in John McCain's home state. That's what a fresh campaign manager like Shanahan can deliver for you.

Hightower's 37-yard bolt against the Ravens last week was not only encouraging for Redskins fans - who have surely forgotten that yes, they can win - but was a burst of power that stunned the usually vaunted Baltimore defense.

Starting deep in the backfield, No.39 took the ball from John Beck while charging sharply to the right. The blockers stepped and parried in the same direction with the type of cohesion you'd applaud the Redskins cheerleaders for, let alone a bunch of 300-pounders.And as the Ravens backpedalled, arms pinned and feet splayed, Hightower jigged and sliced left. There was nothing that could be done once he entered daylight. He chugged across and around a stretched defensive backfield all the way to the far corner.  

The night ended with Hightower tallying 59 yards on just nine carries. Yes, Skins faithful, have a spring in your step - your feature back finally does! And if he can continue to rip through tougher defenses with the same tenacity, and his line keeps opening holes wider than the 14th Street Bridge, there's little question Hightower could morph into a top 10 fantasy back.

Okay, there is still a possible deficit in the D.C. quarterback situation, which historically causes heartache  amongst supporters and fantasy owners alike. But Beck and Rex Grossman have shown promise and are not afraid to send the ball rocketing down field. So at the very least, defenses will have to honor the pass, even if they're not quaking in their cleats.

Sometimes doubt can inhibit men as much as fear and that's all Hightower needs to make the most of his 10-15 carries, and earn his place as Washington's new standard.