Starting QB Needed In New York: Apply Now!

Nov 1 Quarterback Needed ASAP - Pro Football - Great Pay/Union Benefits! (New York, NY / Jersey) img [x]

Popular New York football team based in Jersey seeks urgent services of a professional quarterback - at least in name. Fill in for injured starter; win instant notoriety. Must have an eye for detail, be a team player, and get the best out of others under duress. Absolutely any clock management skills would be looked upon favorably. 

Good throwing mechanics are not essential, as long as candidate can move ball from A to B. Heck, we invite anyone able to toss a Nerf ball into a bucket to apply. 

Communication skills are a must. However, we don’t expect the successful candidate to be a Harvard Graduate. Having said that, we'll certainly consider those with an Ivy League education; but only if your thumb ligaments are in tact. 

Please send resume with video samples of your most recent work. Talking head show-reels from ESPN won’t be considered. 

Accepting applications from just about anyone, really. Although if your name happens to be Sanchez, we’ll require photo identification. 

Work with a great team that knows when to roll with the punches, and pull its thumb out.

Email: Mike_Maccagnan99@hotmail.com

post id: 000007L

 

posted: 1 day ago

 

updated: 1 day ago

 

email to friend

 

♥ best of ^[?]

The Jets know what they're doing, okay?

The New York Jets have ensured that their long held strategy of fielding an inadequate starting quarterback remains in place, by neglecting to sign anyone of talent at the position for the 2015 season.

Jets brass confirmed this past month that the wildly inaccurate and remarkably illogical, Geno Smith, will continue to hold the club's starting QB job and that it is - amazingly - his to lose. New Yorkers, perhaps indifferent to the situation after watching Jets quarterbacks perform the role with all the ineptitude of Peanuts' Charlie Brown, must thank their lucky stars that their city has two football teams.

This, of course, is little consolation for those who bleed Jets green and not Giants blue. Instead, these fans must do all they can to sedate themselves amid the lunacy exhibited by their team's management, who clearly hold the sport's premiere position in such low regard. How else can one explain the club's signing of journeyman Ryan Fitzpatrick, a notably more intelligent signal-caller than Smith, and equally evasive in the open field, only to relegate him to the back-up role?

Fitzpatrick isn't a Manning, it should go without saying, but he's also no Mark Sanchez. The problem, it seems, is that he's somewhere in between and for the Jets, this poses a confounding situation: Should they play Smith and guarantee themselves perhaps four wins, or run with Fitzpatrick and aim for eight, maybe nine?

The former is a more familiar goal, and as suggested, within the club's existing mode of operation. The latter, meanwhile, bears potential, and that's never been the Jets' strong suit. They prefer tallying up picks and turnovers, you see. We all work better with what we know, right?

McElroy lands the Jets: post game thoughts

It was a stirring win for the Jets in the Meadowlands Sunday, and all because the team's head coach defied his heart and went with his gut. In hindsight, that Rex Ryan favoring his belly can hardly been viewed as shocking.

But the Ryan-Mark Sanchez bromance was relegated against the Arizona Cardinals because losing to the only NFL team that might be better off without one of its three quarterbacks in the line-up, was surely the impetus New York fans needed to swap the paper bags on their head for air-tight plastic ones. Thankfully, Greg McElroy led the squad to a winning touchdown, and Fireman Ed was not called in to handle a potential crisis.

Needless to say, words have been minced since the Jets 7-6 victory. Feelings have been hurt, and allegiances betrayed. So to help clear the air from inside the Jets locker room---an arduous task after Nick Mangold hits the stalls---we help read between the lines of the post-game.

Greg McElroy

Said: "It was fun. We were having a good time. It was exciting to get a shot and go in there."

But thought: "I literally wet my pants on the way to the huddle. Luckily I'd had about three liters of Gatorade so it was green, and the guys thought I just spilled some."

Said: "It's tough to kind of gauge the energy. Obviously, I didn't have, like, a decibel meter where I could tell what the crowd noise was."

But thought: "I posted a Facebook photo of me behind center just before the first snap. I wrote, 'About to hike the ball at MetLife. OMG is it loud in here! It must be 130 decibels. Does anyone know how to beat cover 2?'"

Rex Ryan

Said: "It's just something that I sensed, that I felt. When you're around this game long enough, you get that feeling that, 'You know what? I've seen enough, and it's time to make that change.'"

But thought: "I believed the vest was not only stylish, but thinning. Then one of the cheerleaders pulled me aside and set me straight. She told me vests are for guys like Zac Efron, Roger Federer, and that slimy kid from Gossip Girl. So I made the call---skivvy or bust."

Said: "I'll let you guys know who's going to be the quarterback when I'm ready to."

But thought: "Right now I got a burn from a third-quarter hot dog, so I see your lips moving but the words are like a dull murmur. Anymore questions? Thought not. I'm out."

Mark Sanchez

Said: "I'm really happy for the team, and really happy for Greg. He came in and played his butt off."

But thought: "I considered taking a swing. But this is New York. Greg's Irish. A good looking Mexican kid from Long Beach who gets any woman he wants...nobody's ever in that guy's corner."

The Pack and the Beanstalk

Pounding runs from behind the New York Giants line have changed everything.

The G-Men, now playing harder than James Brown at the Apollo, have returned to the run, and in turn, turned back the clock. Yes, one of the NFL's worst rushing offenses in the regular season is again a juggernaut on the ground.

It helps that guards Chris Snee and Kevin Booth can't be stopped in the pursuit of forging lanes. They don't make space, space sees them coming and lays out. Giants have that affect. But more importantly, Brandon Jacobs, as fee-fi-fo-fum as they come, cannot be toppled from his playoff perch, a magic beanstalk that he ascends when New York need him most.

Jacobs busted up the middle of the Falcons defense with the reckless, grunting style we came to know before he slowed last year. Now, inexplicably, as if fueled by the raucous New York crowd, and maybe by his inspiring defensive ends - led by another Fewell, Perry - Jacobs is again a hostile creature.

Jacobs' barge and spin on fourth and inches near the end of the second quarter against Atlanta was just brutal. The line collapsed inside, he stomped outside and then pirouetted, banged his head against a Falcon, and dove back in to pick up the necessary difference. And just like that, the Giants accumulated 75 yards in a single half, almost twice as much as they'd gained through the air. Atlanta looked more distraught than crash test dummies.

So now Green Bay's defense, merely a mid-tier obstacle for rushers, faces a rejuvenated Jacobs, who can terrify the Pack with fewer than the 92 yards he had last week. Certainly the idea of Giant Jacobs is as much a psychological issue as a physical one: Fox's Sunday half time backdrop of him pumping his fists in between Howie Long and Terry Bradshaw was testament to that. The silhouette - the impending doom - should have the Packers quaking.

Look, we all know what the Packers do on offense. We've heard more about Aaron Rodgers prowess than Kim Kardashian's marital problems, yet another record he'll lock up in 2011-12. But we also know Rodgers' club allows the opposition to score points. Against the Saints in week 1 they allowed 34; the lowly Vikings posted 27 on them; the dysfunctional Bucs scored 26 in week 11; an inept Bears offense generated 21 points against this team for crying out loud.

I'm not talking about the Giants competing in a shootout because we know "Roy" Rodgers wins shootouts. No, I'm talking about the possibility of a take-no-prisoners offensive beat down in which Jacobs churns the cheeseheads into butter. Just like in the frigid '62 Championship game between these great clubs, the Giants will be hardened for a cold contest, and perhaps motivated to avenge that tough loss, and everyone to Green Bay since.

This article first appeared as The Pack and the Beanstalk on Technorati.