Buffalo Bills get no love in rankings ... and you know Rex likes it that way

Power rankings are a strange and cruel beast, sort of like Rex Ryan after a Quarter Pounder binge.

Often arbitrarily constructed, they tend to be short on logic and long to digest. Just how official are these things, anyway? About as official as Adam Gase's genius status, we'd say.

So how can we combat them? How can we reorganise what's been so carelessly jumbled? (I feel your pain Matt Warren of Buffalo Rumblings. We're here to help).

Don't poke the Buffalo

Let's just tackle it one team at a time. And what better place to start than Buffalo, where the home town Bills are treated like sons, and yet ranked like SOBs by people with access to the internet.

For example, Bleacher Report has the Bills 22nd on its before week 1 rankings. They also have the Jags 17 and the Raiders at 11. So, you know, why stop there? Why not say the '79 Bucs are among the greatest teams of all time?

SB Nation places the Bills slightly higher at 18, but then say the Jets are just one better.

For a more official ranking you could turn to NFL.com, which has the Bills in 16th, with a nice blurb from Elliot Harrison about making the club great again.

USA Today seems less optimistic about Buffalo, starting with the line, 'Summer was unkind to Rex Ryan ...' Woah. Take it easy, America's paper. We were just joshing. Now you're taking it too far. They have the Bills at 19.

The World Wide Leader is slightly more generous, suggesting an 8-8 season, with a 16 ranking. Still ... does Boomer know about this?

Yahoo targets holes in the defence at season's open, with a harsh 20 ranking.

And don't expect any support from the gang at Fox Sports, who say it's playoffs or bust for Rex and Co. They've dropped them down to 22.

Then there's everybody's favourite online writer, Mike Florio, who has the guts to stash Buffalo at the bottom of the heap at 29. Don't fret Bills Nation, Mike has the Dak Prescott-led Cowboys at 14 and the Sam Bradford charged Vikings at 11. There's no adequate way to interpret this behaviour, though there are like 25 different 'Talk' tabs across that NBC site, so maybe Mike's logging too many hours.

Perhaps we should leave the last word to one of best comments on the PFT page from firecracker87:

1. firecracker87 says:Sep 5, 2016 1:00 PM
   

   The Bills won the off season; why aren’t they at #1?

   45

   12

   
   

Well played sir.

Rex Ryan’s tattoogate quiz

New York Jets coach Rex Ryan was spotted sun-baking in the Bahamas this week, and while The NY Daily News was likely thrilled by the scoop, they surely didn’t anticipate the lens being colored by Rex’s weird tattoo. Yes, the subtle-as-a-sledgehammer leader of the Jets sported a tat of a woman—presumably his his wife Michelle—wearing nothing but a green No. 6 jersey and smile. And you thought Tebow was the only one running the Wildcat!

Once everybody digested the disturbing nature of the rendering, questions of its  authenticity quickly arose, like the stench of a Sanchez throw.

So, in a vague attempt to clarify the mystery around “Tattoogate”, and determine whether or not the whole thing is indeed real, we’re providing fans the following Woodward and Bernstein-style multiple choice investigative quiz:

1. If Rex Ryan was to take a vacation with his wife, he would most likely book….

a) A foodie weekend in Hershey, Pennsylvania

b) Swimming with the turtles in Hawaii

c) A well known resort in the Bahamas

d) A suite at Caesar’s in Atlantic City

2. If Rex Ryan was to get a tattoo of his wife, he would choose to have it on…

a) His bicep

b) His calf

c) His rear

d) His inner-thigh

3. Which quarterback’s jersey would Rex most likely want his wife to wear to bed?

a) Joe Namath

b) Mark Sanchez

c) Tim Tebow

d) Tom Brady

4. Which half-naked female would Rex most likely have tattooed?

a) His wife, Michelle Ryan

b) Actress, Jeri Ryan

c) The Statue of Liberty

d) Jenn Sterger

BONUS QUESTION:

If Rex was to play a prank on the media, he would favor…

a) Homer Simpson novelty glasses

b) A good old whoopee cushion

c) A fake tattoo of his wife

d) Mr. Underhill’s credit card

Answers: 1a, 2c, 3d, 4b, Bonus – d 

McElroy lands the Jets: post game thoughts

It was a stirring win for the Jets in the Meadowlands Sunday, and all because the team's head coach defied his heart and went with his gut. In hindsight, that Rex Ryan favoring his belly can hardly been viewed as shocking.

But the Ryan-Mark Sanchez bromance was relegated against the Arizona Cardinals because losing to the only NFL team that might be better off without one of its three quarterbacks in the line-up, was surely the impetus New York fans needed to swap the paper bags on their head for air-tight plastic ones. Thankfully, Greg McElroy led the squad to a winning touchdown, and Fireman Ed was not called in to handle a potential crisis.

Needless to say, words have been minced since the Jets 7-6 victory. Feelings have been hurt, and allegiances betrayed. So to help clear the air from inside the Jets locker room---an arduous task after Nick Mangold hits the stalls---we help read between the lines of the post-game.

Greg McElroy

Said: "It was fun. We were having a good time. It was exciting to get a shot and go in there."

But thought: "I literally wet my pants on the way to the huddle. Luckily I'd had about three liters of Gatorade so it was green, and the guys thought I just spilled some."

Said: "It's tough to kind of gauge the energy. Obviously, I didn't have, like, a decibel meter where I could tell what the crowd noise was."

But thought: "I posted a Facebook photo of me behind center just before the first snap. I wrote, 'About to hike the ball at MetLife. OMG is it loud in here! It must be 130 decibels. Does anyone know how to beat cover 2?'"

Rex Ryan

Said: "It's just something that I sensed, that I felt. When you're around this game long enough, you get that feeling that, 'You know what? I've seen enough, and it's time to make that change.'"

But thought: "I believed the vest was not only stylish, but thinning. Then one of the cheerleaders pulled me aside and set me straight. She told me vests are for guys like Zac Efron, Roger Federer, and that slimy kid from Gossip Girl. So I made the call---skivvy or bust."

Said: "I'll let you guys know who's going to be the quarterback when I'm ready to."

But thought: "Right now I got a burn from a third-quarter hot dog, so I see your lips moving but the words are like a dull murmur. Anymore questions? Thought not. I'm out."

Mark Sanchez

Said: "I'm really happy for the team, and really happy for Greg. He came in and played his butt off."

But thought: "I considered taking a swing. But this is New York. Greg's Irish. A good looking Mexican kid from Long Beach who gets any woman he wants...nobody's ever in that guy's corner."

NFL training camp's most telling numbers

Infographics are in seemingly more places now than Terrell Owens. But unlike TO, they're not going to unsettle your favourite quarterback, or disrupt the inner workings of your team. They're simply colorful and informative...like John Madden.

So we're pleased to bring you our first ever football infographic, courtesy of our new friends over at The Football Educator. This one is about training camp, and interestingly represents the amount of Gatorade consumed, or at least made available for consumption---twenty-five cases! (Note: we can't confirm how much of the Jets' 25 were solely consumed by Rex Ryan but hope an infographic is in the offing).

NFL chirpy about tweeting

As the 24-hour news cycle churns through empty injury reports, mundane coaching signings and Tim Tebow's golfing schedule, one story stood out to me: the announcement that the NFL is allowing players to tweet during the Pro Bowl. Stop the press! Whoever thought such a commitment - one that has little to do with the clanging of helmets on the field - would stir so much web ink? Further still, who might have anything constructive to say after said clanging?

Some valid points have already been raised about the insincerity and oddity of players tweeting during a pro football game, especially on Mashable and Shutdown Corner, while some folks consider it just harmless fun. As potentially entertaining or intriguing or awkward as it may be for Tweeters and yes, the Twitterati, to chat with the sport's elite, I wonder whether this really adds anything to the event for genuine fans? I'm certainly more excited to see Cam Newton perform his duck and weave, then spin and hoist, than I am to get his view on the best sandwich at Honolulu's Cheeseburger in Paradise? (Side note to Cam: I like the Beach Burger, any thoughts?)

By adopting this strategy, a move that flies in the face of everything Commissioner Roger Goodell has ever enforced, it feels like the NFL is wanting show its pearly whites and spread a little cheer, more like the rather sociable NBA and Major League Baseball whose employees are much easier to personalize - largely because you can see their faces.

In this regard it's not a crazy idea, just a little forced, like a Rex Ryan grin at a post-game presser.

Jets fishing for a playoff spot

The New York Jets need a holiday miracle to make the playoffs this season, one that requires a win in sunny Miami but also hopelessly counts on losses by other teams. One of those teams is the Tennessee Titans, quite possibly the only club more unpredictable than R-E-X-'S New York.

Jets coach Rex Ryan is the master grandstander who promotes his team better than he manages it. As such the Jets who regularly follow the Patriots in the standings and struggle to overcome rivals like the Dolphins seem a great deal more intimidating than they actually are.

That’s always been the point of the Ryan-led Jets though hasn’t it? To be scarier than the Big Blue, the Big Tuna, Big Ben or any other NFL bully. But when push comes to shove Gang Green is largely uninspiring on offense. That’s never a good sign when thwarting high-scoring division foes is imperative to your survival.

For what it's worth, the team's rushers are capable of storming the trenches and can help the Jets eat up the clock. Against the Giants, for instance, the Jets squeezed the ball for 36 minutes. The problem is that it's less productive time than it should be: in the first half the so-called home team couldn't muster a single play of more than 20 yards. You can't even win a daiquiri-infused game of touch at Secretary Cleary's house with that output.

Sure, quarterback Mark Sanchez completes a few brisk passes here and there. Sometimes he even extends the play and zings it near the first down marker. But of course those sequences too are trivial if they don’t prolong the drive. Still, Sanchez throws these balls soundly, as he should. It's mostly when he flings down field that his lack of accuracy really hamstrings the Jets attack. When they needed pivotal deep yardage against the G-Men, for example, the offense continually floundered - converting just 4 of 21 on third down. And yet Coach Rex Ryan kept dialing up the pass as if Broadway Joe was commanding his huddle. Off-Broadway Sanchez threw an unconscionable 59 times.

The Jets QB is a confounding talent really: tough, nimble, exuberant and industrious, but short on patience and vision. He’s restless in the pocket. His feet shuffle and his throws leave the hand like he's tossing softballs into an apple basket - with anxious focus. Then conversely he’ll pop the secondary with a couple of carefree darts. Who knows which carnival game he might favor on any given play.

It's hard to see the Jets overcoming a stout Dolphins defense this final week. It certainly won't happen if Sanchez does more passing than handing off: he just doesn't have the repertoire to counter the likes of Vontae Davis, Yeremiah Bell or Karlos Dansby. No, Sanchez is at his best when dropping it short on acute routes of around eight or nine yards. Those angles are easy, quick to locate, and the ball hits its target before defenders can manoeuvre inside.

But as reassuring as this brand of football is for the Jets, it’s a low-octane, scaled-back approach that has hampered their postseason chances. Quick jabs might wear down Kansas City but won’t knock the Dolphins’ knees.

If only Rex could devise a strategy as boisterous as the one he brings to the podium.

Article first published as Jets Fishing for a Playoff Spot on Technorati.