Russell Wilson for President, and 5 other new slogans

Like Super Mario after collecting the flower, Seahawks quarterbacking hero, Russell Wilson, packs quite a punch for a little guy. It could be argued, in fact, that Wilson always plays fiery, shooting spinning flames from his scolding hand as if Bowser is charging in on every down. And when he's not throwing, he's speeding by obstacles, zipping around hard-shelled opponents and into perilous gaps. He's a fearless competitor who knows how to pipeline the points for his squad. 

After lobbing two touchdowns and 293 yards in a comeback win against the Bears, then orchestrating the 58-0 drubbing of the Cardinals, Wilson propelled himself to "super" status---a level only a handful of QBs have attained this season. As Seattle P-I reported, he's on pace for 25 touchdowns this campaign (on 19 as of Week 14). 

And so, here at Why Football Is Cool, we're marking the Hawks' sea-change with slogan ideas for the team's 2013-14 ad campaign, inspired by Seattle's superb signal-caller.

Suggested taglines for a new Russell Wilson ad campaign in Seattle:

RUSS?! Oh, there you are.

Feeling Rusty? He's got the pill.

Russell Wilson: Not only in like Flynn, in for Flynn.

Quest Field...Century Link...let's just call it No.3 shall we?

Russell Dazzle.

Wilson for President. Another Fourteen Points, just like that.

Adrian Peterson is invincible, or is he?

If there was ever an athlete who resembles Superman, or the Flash, or even the sheer brutality of the Caped Crusader, it's Adrian Peterson. Given his steel frame, brilliant speed, and ferocious charge, he might be all three in one.

Like Walter Payton, Jim Brown, and Earl Campbell before him, Petersen just refuses to go down. The thighs churn, the arms pump, and the head lowers like Man-At-Arms (that one's for you Masters of the Universe fans out there). Nobody's stopping Man-At-Arms, not even that weasel Skeletor.



Just 12 months removed from a busted knee, AP has somehow run in excess of 1,400 yards this season, averaging a ludicrous 6 yards per carry. That sort of clip will fog up Eric Dickerson's goggles. Yes, Eric, your 1984 single season rushing record of 2,105 yards is in jeopardy, as National Football Post breaks down.

So the question is how do you stop a superhuman? How do you subdue a force that scorches the earth like a cheetah, and cuts with the dexterity of a mongoose? And, furthermore, what does he use to get those grass stains out? Amazing.

Shutdown Corner mentions poor tackling as perhaps a flaw of teams facing Petersen.

Rant Sports suggests clock management on defense is key, at least for the Bears.

Da Bears Blog admits there's no stopping, only limiting AP.

Bleacher Report says pressure the QB, but focus the defense on the run.

Here are some other ideas:

• Kryptonite - but then you'd have to lug it onto the field
• The Schwartz - two sides to every Schwartz, so...
• Anything yellow, or maybe that was only for the Green Lantern.
• Catwoman always sent the Dark Knight into a frenzy, right?

RG3 and the complete Redskins arsenal

Everybody’s talking about the Redskins' Pistol offense like it’s the silver bullet for all attacking woes. Maybe it is. But let’s not kid ourselves---most NFL teams don’t have a quarterback who can run three yards, let alone the read-option style RG3 has made his own.

In the event league copycats defy common sense---and clubs like the Texans cock the Pistol with bulky Matt Schaub, or the Ravens with gangly Joe Flacco---rest assured Washington will be ready with a range of other weapon-monikered approaches. 

We list them for the first time here on Why Football Is Cool:

The Cannon: A tailback and vintage WW1 cannon line up on either side of RG3, eight feet from center. Once the ball is snapped, RG3 can fake to his running mate who cuts left, or drop the ball into the mouth of the cannon, light the fuse, and fire downfield 70 yards to an open receiver. The key wrinkle is that RG3 can stuff himself into the cannon like Wile E. Coyote for a more dangerous but spectacular TD attempt, if he chooses.

The Slingshot: A difficult maneuver which, much like the banjo, requires strong fingers and a sense of rhythm. RG3 lines the team up in the I formation. On the snap, he shuffles back two quick steps, where the tailback (standing behind) hooks two fingers into Griffin's pants, on the belt line. He holds, then pirouettes, while simultaneously dragging the QB around in a circle---like a hammer thrower in the Olympics---before spinning him to the flat, where RG3 will either regather his balance and follows blockers downfield, or catapult into the opposition's coaching staff on the sideline. A win-win really.

The Trojan Horse: An excellent goal line play inspired by rugby tactics, in which RG3 runs a play action, but as he withdraws the ball from the stomach of his tailback, hides it under his jersey. Both QB and RB tumble into the o-line clutching at their stomachs. Here’s the fun part: A wide receiver will circle back behind the line of scrimmage to collect the ball dropped by RG3 between his legs. The wideout then continues around the edge, and downfield for the score. Arm-in-arm singing and beer drinking ensue.

The Bow and Arrow: This is absolutely unstoppable---if it's snowing, or foggy. RG3 lines up in the Pistol, so the defense is back on its heels. When the ball is snapped he fakes the hand off to one side, and all three backs quickly adopt the pose of an archer, which suitably mimics a throwing play. The defense can’t tell who's tossing the ball, and holds for a moment, at which time Griffin charges up the middle. This is a trusty third down play, and looks even better if you have a 6’5" Jamaican sprinter in your backfield.

The Grenade: As the name suggests, this is both an explosive play, and one with limited accuracy. There are two receivers either side, and a fullback comes in for extra protection. The ball is hiked to RG3 who spins around, now with his back to the defense. It’s imperative that the fullback levels any incoming rushers. The QB holds for a second, then heaves the ball with one cupped hand over the opposite shoulder, as if tossing a grenade. He should ideally aim for a corner, away from the fray, because this is essentially a short-field Hail Mary. (The play is otherwise known as the Three Hail Marys, due to the incredible blind faith required).

McElroy lands the Jets: post game thoughts

It was a stirring win for the Jets in the Meadowlands Sunday, and all because the team's head coach defied his heart and went with his gut. In hindsight, that Rex Ryan favoring his belly can hardly been viewed as shocking.

But the Ryan-Mark Sanchez bromance was relegated against the Arizona Cardinals because losing to the only NFL team that might be better off without one of its three quarterbacks in the line-up, was surely the impetus New York fans needed to swap the paper bags on their head for air-tight plastic ones. Thankfully, Greg McElroy led the squad to a winning touchdown, and Fireman Ed was not called in to handle a potential crisis.

Needless to say, words have been minced since the Jets 7-6 victory. Feelings have been hurt, and allegiances betrayed. So to help clear the air from inside the Jets locker room---an arduous task after Nick Mangold hits the stalls---we help read between the lines of the post-game.

Greg McElroy

Said: "It was fun. We were having a good time. It was exciting to get a shot and go in there."

But thought: "I literally wet my pants on the way to the huddle. Luckily I'd had about three liters of Gatorade so it was green, and the guys thought I just spilled some."

Said: "It's tough to kind of gauge the energy. Obviously, I didn't have, like, a decibel meter where I could tell what the crowd noise was."

But thought: "I posted a Facebook photo of me behind center just before the first snap. I wrote, 'About to hike the ball at MetLife. OMG is it loud in here! It must be 130 decibels. Does anyone know how to beat cover 2?'"

Rex Ryan

Said: "It's just something that I sensed, that I felt. When you're around this game long enough, you get that feeling that, 'You know what? I've seen enough, and it's time to make that change.'"

But thought: "I believed the vest was not only stylish, but thinning. Then one of the cheerleaders pulled me aside and set me straight. She told me vests are for guys like Zac Efron, Roger Federer, and that slimy kid from Gossip Girl. So I made the call---skivvy or bust."

Said: "I'll let you guys know who's going to be the quarterback when I'm ready to."

But thought: "Right now I got a burn from a third-quarter hot dog, so I see your lips moving but the words are like a dull murmur. Anymore questions? Thought not. I'm out."

Mark Sanchez

Said: "I'm really happy for the team, and really happy for Greg. He came in and played his butt off."

But thought: "I considered taking a swing. But this is New York. Greg's Irish. A good looking Mexican kid from Long Beach who gets any woman he wants...nobody's ever in that guy's corner."

Cool Rankings: Football's trending teams

1. Philadelphia Eagles

Many in the media are obsessed with Philly. Whether booed, ballyhooed or berated, the Eagles trend upward because Sal Paolantonio and Co. treat the color of Andy Reid’s underpants as breaking news. (Side note: Reid's y-fronts are a game-time decision).

2. Kansas City Chiefs

The talk is Kansas City are in the driver’s seat for next year’s top draft pick---you'd assume a quarterback. Sure, Cassel has underwhelmed. But isn’t it entirely possible he’s playing with a tainted deck? There’s certainly no ace, a couple of queens, and more than a few jokers. Cassel’s real problem is lucky No.7---it’s too much to live up to when your o-line has nothing up its sleeve.

3. Chicago Bears

A few weeks back, Chicago was touted as a juggernaut by many of the talking heads. Then Cutler was crunched, the defense was buried in burden, and Jason Campbell forgot quarterback is a job that requires you to be conscious. Now the Bears are back, fulfilling their usual hype at the onset of winter.

4. New England Patriots

New England fans keep telling us they worry about their team’s defense. "Oh, thy secondary!" they cry. The running game is lackluster, they claim. Even Brady’s hair has lost some sheen, so say Boston stylists. Meanwhile, the Pats continue the charge. Don’t expect this approach to change until the Giants refund their New Orleans flights.

5. San Francisco 49ers

Kaepernick! The 49ers haven’t had this much press since Singletary dropped his Dockers. Things have come full circle: Coach Jim Harbaugh pulled Alex Smith’s pants down before the smelling salts even kicked in. Rest assured, Smith is still "his guy".

Kaepernick sitting pretty

Alex Smith, a man with an average name, is said to have average quarterbacking skills. In some circles, quarterbacks that successfully manage an offense and limit errors, are a valuable commodity. In others, they are a kind of pariah, undermining creativity, or spontaneity, or something.

Whatever the problem with these quarterbacks---as opposed to bulging, happy-footed wildcards---the NFL enjoys the competition the same way John Hughes dedicated himself to the study of nerds versus studs. And this is where our pro football/retro movie study begins.

Remember Hughes’ Pretty in Pink in which Molly Ringwald’s character, Andie, is smitten with preppie Blane while pal Duckie plays second fiddle? Well, if Blane was a quarterback, he’d be the 49ers’ Colin Kaepernick. Stay with me here. That would make Smith Duckie, and Coach Jim Harbaugh Andie. (Ringwald’s characters often rubbed others the wrong way, so this analogy isn’t as big a stretch as you might think).

What Hughes unpacked so eloquently in his stories, was the hope of something better. Many of his protagonists stumble into popularity only after facing a lifetime of heartache. In some instances, Pretty in Pink being one of them, the chief character is so infatuated with the idea of leaping from the wrong side of the tracks, that when she meets success, all other options pale in comparison.

So, of course, once Kaepernick strutted onto the scene, Smith paled in the eyes of Harbaugh. Not because he was underperforming, throwing too many picks, or complained that Candlestick's winds were ruffling his beard. No, it's because like Duckie, he's reliable, but will never make your heart flutter. The cooler and outwardly more confident Kaepernick apparently will---some say he already has---having worked his mojo into Harbaugh’s heart with intermediate experience. Something tells me the edgy coach favors tattoos and goatees over clean cut niceties. 

With Smith nursing a concussion, Kaepernick has surely stepped up in two games. He’s tossed three touchdowns and 680 yards, and has an astronomical passer rating for a young QB. Yes, the 49ers look good with "Kaep" behind center. So much so that a number of pundits are claiming he has earned his chance. In truth, he's earned the chance about as much as Andrew McCarthy's sports jacket gave his character street cred.

Okay, the Niners are glimmering right now. But weren't they with Smith anyway? In 16 games last season, Smith threw for 3,144 yards, 17 touchdowns and just five interceptions---remember? That was good enough to lift the Niners from irrelevancy and propel them into Super Bowl contention. But that was last year. So, for posterity's sake, let it be re-stated here that Smith, to this point in 2012, has thrown 13 touchdowns, completed 70% of his passes, and notched the best passer rating of his career (104). Listen, those are just numbers. If you need proof, revisit his superb scrambling and deft passing in last season's playoff against the Saints. 

It seems quarterbacks, like underappreciated spouses, are vulnerable to the fading light of late autumn. What once seemed lithe, energetic, and full of prospect, suddenly moves in unflattering tones. Smith, though once heralded, has never really been appreciated in San Francisco, at least not by Niners brass. As the top pick in 2005, the sleight and cerebral QB was destined to struggle. Not even supersonic Cam Newton has overcome doubters as the No.1 pick---what chance did Smith ever have? It quickly became apparent he had entered into a one-sided affair in which he'd never find true happiness. Now with the rise of Kaepernick, Smith’s fate as a 49er has been sealed. He’s Jon Cryer, minus the Emmy.

Hey, good luck to Harbaugh, but Smith deserves better. The current 49ers "quarterback controversy", a re-imagining of the Montana – Young duel of 1991, reflects an outcome that’s too commonly accepted in the NFL: that the "other guy" always has greater potential. Of course he has greater potential because nobody knows what that potential is. For this reason, the back-up quarterback, the unproven talent, the unfulfilled fantasy, should be the aspiration of every young signal-caller. Ask Tim Tebow, he'll tell you. He's kneeling in gratitude before the football deity as we speak. 

So here's to a happy ending for Smith. The great John Hughes, at the very least, would have wanted it that way.

Feasting on the NFC East

If Thanksgiving reminded us of anything, it's to be thankful for the NFC East, in spite of the baked and basted Eagles.

The division is mouthwatering, stuffed like a festive bird with all the trimmings---entertaining quarterbacks, rumbling pass rushers, gruff coaches and most importantly, rivalries of immense theatre. That's the key element in prolonging the peak of interest, defying the natural occurrence of a singular crescendo---the theatre of unpredictability. And the reigning champion New York Giants are about as unpredictable as it gets; the Cowboys as disappointing; the Redskins as thrilling; and the Eagles, well, as unseasoned. A dramatic stage has been set.

Already the Redskins deserve a standing ovation. Here was a club, so grossly commandeered from behind the offensive line and via the headset for years, you wondered if owner, Daniel Snyder, might be an even worse distributor of funds than, say, James Cameron, or Michael Bay---both world beaters in that category. Washington is suddenly more animated than Avatar ever was. 

The yet to be knighted Robert Griffin III provides the 'Skins a spread of offensive treats so sumptuous, the half-smoked hot dog from Ben's Chili Bowl is salivating. Certainly his running is a worry for defenders because truly good runners are capricious. Griffin not only cuts, he swivels and launches. It's untenable. But it's something further with him---he's unnerving. Michael Vick can tear past and edge, and yet, his presence doesn't unhinge ends in the same way. Not anymore. Griffin's attack, by contrast, is illusive as he probes for space with his feet, squeezes the ball into gaps as if it were malleable, and he finds room for that hair inside his helmet, perhaps that most unreal feat of all. 

Now that Washington is on a roll, it's feasible they could be carving Christmas turkey with a sense of comfort only a divisional leader can savour. But let's not belittle the Giants. All New Yorkers, not just those of grand political stature, or of regimented blue uniform, fight to the bitter end. It's just their way. So we should assume Big Blue Defense & Co. will bust through any complacency, and ultimately crash the playoffs. It's inevitable and you know it.

So which end of the saloon does that leave the Cowboys? In view of the leggy blonde eyeing out a Springsteen number on the Jukebox, or mumbling into a Miller Lite in the darkened corner beneath the elk? Perhaps halfway up the bar, with neither a shot at Dancing in the Dark, nor receiving hallucinatory advice from a mounted deer.

Tony Romo and Dez Bryant connected on two splendid touchdowns against the Redskins on Thanksgiving Day, which is presumably easy on your home turf and in front of a famous country singer. But for all the Cowboys' wild talent, Romo's relentless gun-slinging, and Bryant's powerful stride, they are surely victims of their own expectations. And ten gallons of good intention can't overcome that.

Against the Burgundy and Gold, America's Team stared down the barrel of a 25-point deficit---and Jerry Jones' distasteful glare---and yet, Romo bullet-holed the opposing defense like it was the O.K. Corral. Four-hundred and forty-one yards worth of spirals from the Dallas quarterback's arm later, the smoke cleared and Griffin's grin sparkled. 

Somewhat like his hero, John Elway, Griffin has that intangible knack for success. This irrepressibility is proving the difference in the NFL's toughest division.