Thursday, December 20, 2012

Last-minute gift ideas for Mark Sanchez

Everybody hates Mark Sanchez. Or at least it feels that way. How does a player with such prospect, such athleticism, and such a well-trimmed beard fall out of favor so quickly? Well, it’s nothing a few interceptions, a 25-point ESPN quarterback rating, and ties to distracting women couldn’t fix. Sure, he’s had chances, and maybe he wasn’t that good to begin with. But big city peanut galleries have a knack for viciously turning on their stars, pelting them with handfuls of Planters and then pulling the bag over their heads. (One flawed high note and it all unravels for Nathan Lane).
Whatever you think of Sanchez’s 13 of 28 pass completions and four picks against the Titans, or 10 of 21 for three interceptions versus the woeful Cardinals, everybody deserves some Christmas cheer, right?
So if you’ve been stuck for gift ideas like we have, below are some last-minute suggestions for the Jets’ beleaguered No.6.
Merry Christmas Sanchize.
Sanchez Gift Ideas:
McAfee antivirus computer package, for likely sabotage by fuming New Yorkers.
Lazy Boy recliner for Mark to relax during his prolonged sideline secondment.
Magic 8 Ball – let’s face it, nobody else will give it to him straight.
Voucher for Lasik corrective eye surgery, regardless of Sanchez’s current quality of vision.
A bag of pre-autographed ‘Mark Sanchez’ balls—to boost the poor guy’s confidence.
Nivea grooming products. Sure, predictable, but really thoughtful considering he now has the time focus on manscaping.
Suction cap gloves. Because velcro might not be enough in his case.
Banana Republic cardigan. He may as well look good while being fired.
Framed picture of the three Jets QBs in training camp, with engraved caption, “Fun Times”.
A Joe Namath jersey to avoid all booing the remainder of the season.

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