What happened to Drew Brees? Well, he's suddenly everyone's favorite QB

Drew Brees retired and everyone with a voice on a platform somewhere went into overdrive. We perhaps haven't seen this much repetitive content churned out since Favre's un-retirement. 

One thing all the posts, tweets, videos, dittys and diatribes showed us is that people around the world are never short for a word ... on anything! Announce something, anything, or maybe even nothing, and seemingly anyone with an internet connection turns into Oprah. 

"It's Dreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew Breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees eeeeevrybodyyyyyyyyy!"

The tentative connections to the content cycle are boundless. Indeed, Drew Brees Twitter blew up.

Fans are surely happy and proud to have supported Brees. The media is typically waxing lyrical. He deserves a special mention, sure, not saying that. 

But some laid it on a bit thick, all of a sudden. (You had to know he was retiring chronic content coordinators, so an endless stream of mocked up posters and earnest "I knew him when" spiels feel a touch over the top).

Just wait until Brady retires ... feeds on every single platform and site ever will simply implode. 

You better work on your content strategy for that week Kardashian-Jenners because the internet does not always break for thee. (Here's a tip for you: 'what happened to drew brees' is trending!)

We always enjoyed our battles with you, @drewbrees, whether it was as a Charger or as a Saint. 👏#ThankYouDrew pic.twitter.com/HxLcbDVLvP

— Denver Broncos (@Broncos) March 14, 2021

congrats on an incredible career + happy retirement, @drewbrees!

the league will miss you 💛 pic.twitter.com/cgBZZmL5C9

— Los Angeles Chargers (@Chargers) March 14, 2021

There will never be another Drew Brees ⚜️#ThankYouDrew pic.twitter.com/iQ2eOiV5Wz

— New Orleans Saints (@Saints) March 14, 2021

Drew Brees has announced he’s retiring from the NFL. What was your favorite fantasy moment from his career? pic.twitter.com/n0ieMYD1WY

— NFL Fantasy Football (@NFLFantasy) March 14, 2021

NFL schedule could thrive in a digital streaming smorgasboard

"Good evening everybody and welcome to YouTube's Mooooonday Night Fooooootball, I'm Ryan Seacrest, and alongside me is Jason Nash ..."

Hey, don't laugh, this might be the future.

I just listened to The Ringer's Bill Simmons and Bryan Curtis talk about ways NFL games could hit different digital platforms for specific fan bases, and the idea has stuck. Different people, different needs. (Wasn't that an eighties sitcom?) 

Anyway, seems like a good idea (another eighties sitcom, surely!). 

For example, if you're into betting, Amazon Prime's take on 'Game Of The Week' could offer degenerate gambler, Cousin Sal giving up worthwhile prop bets, as Simmons suggested on his podcast.

Listen, I'd go a step further, as many NFL games are now beamed around the globe and with broadcast teams tailored to specific audiences. Consider ESPN's Crocodile Dundee-style "g'days" before the last Super Bowl, an Aussie-centric broadcast, for better or worse, featuring Steve Levy, Louis Riddick and Brian Griese.

It was fine. The trio was professional, led by Levy doing his syrupy-SportsCenter best, and even tapped into Australian lingo. This all landed ... sort of ... like a Chris Rock bit on a mainstream college campus. 

After the game's halftime show, Levy even announced that "Super Bowl 55 is presented by Macca's." Look, it was all at once weird, oddly accurate, and possibly not needed, I thought, as I slowly munched on my Macca's burger. 

Still, ESPN or one of the incumbent platforms like YouTube could continue catering to the Aussie fans through its regular season selections. It's great that countries like Australia, New Zealand and UK get all the usual big games from the major broadcasters - everybody wants Nantz and Romo, and who doesn't love Ian Eagle? Glitzy graphics and loud intro songs by sparkly starlets - the world is onboard. (It's half the reason the NFL appeals to new markets!)

But for the backlot-three-people-in-the-stands-cellar-dweller-scraps, there's an opportunity to  indulge newer fan groups. There's room for more, dare we say, Big Macs.

Aussies also tend to gather in pubs around big market teams and popular brands, including the New York Giants, New England Patriots, Los Angeles Rams, and yes, of course, the Sydney - I mean, San Francisco 49ers. 

Sure, everyone wants to see the Eagles take on the Cowboys in the marquee game, but some countries would surely love a dusty 49ers - Rams September tilt just as much. 

Similarly, if Twitter aired a Pats versus Raiders Sunday afternoon fiasco, not only would gamblers across the Asia-Pacific trip over their digital wallets, but so to would anyone who bought a Tom Brady jersey on his last family holiday to Vegas-via-LA-Austin-and-Aspen. 

Chicago Bears use franchise, no frankfurter ... why?

The term 'franchise tag' is thrown around the sports media with impunity, as if we all know what this stuff really means.

Okay sure, maybe if you play NFL video games you know everything there is about managing a virtual football team, or perhaps you're Mike Tannenbaum and pop up on ESPN every 5 minutes for an argument about coffee stains on contracts, then yes, you love this language. 

Great. But for the rest of us schmoes, this sort of front office jargon is about as irritating as an Adam Gase press conference. 

Wake us up when you have some football news, guys.

For anyone still with us here, Chicago Bears wideout Allen Robinson has had the franchise tag placed upon him, as per our pals at the Worldwide Leader. This is breaking news in 2021, in case you're wondering.

But I'm not actually sure if this involves an in-person scenario where someone pins a Walmart-style price tag to the player, or someone rubber stamps his behind, but he's been marked, okay. Just mark my words.

The crux of the matter is a long-term deal wasn't met between the Bears and Robinson, despite the fact he caught 102 passes for 1,250 yards last season.

So, in short, Allen and Bears bosses didn't see eye-to-eye on money, but rather than lose him to free agency, this 'tag' holds him in Chicago for a year. 

I don't love this idea from the player's perspective because it feels like a 'no-vote' of confidence. It's like betting on both red and black. Are you Team Aniston or Team Jolie? Come on now. The guy carried the club's offense, as NFL.com's Kevin Patra has pointed out.

The tag also means the player gets an average payment in that short time, not necessarily what they deserve out in the open market.

At least throw some lifetime deep dish pizza at the guy ... a little Portillos dog ... invite him to a few tailgate grills ... something. 

Where's Coach Ditka when you need him? He'd straighten this out.

Cowboys quarterback contracts are made for internet disruption

Caps. 

Guarantees. 

Tags. 

It all hurts my head after a while, how about you? 

The money side of pro football tends to get the nerds bunched up in the shorts, which is why I suppose news of this kind is created in the first place. 

It used to be the sort of stuff left to an addendum, or slotted neatly below a free bobblehead giveaway. 

Now the bookkeepers are revered like Captain America.

Well, at least one thing remains the same: nobody generates news like the Dallas Cowboys, which is perhaps why when there’s literally nothing going on in the NFL off-season, a Cowboys story breaks the internet.

And when you can lead a story with simply, 'Dak's done', as SI.com recently did, you know 'dem Cowboys continue to be a winning news ticket.

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones surely knows this, which is why he waited for some quiet on Coming To America 2 chatter and a lull in Jenner-centric social posts to hit us in the eyes with a spicy Texan rub. 

Yes, Dak Prescott’s new $164 million deal (or whatever it is when you divide by several boring figures and carry the one) did us like Debbie this week, certainly because it’s the Cowboys, but mostly because the 24-hour news cycle is craving QB news like selfies. 

See, the supposed QB “carousel” we keep hearing about is spinning lamely like an Emmitt Smith GIF right now. It never stops, but rather just flashes and turns across our screens with no view of the goal line. 

Unlike the real thing it simply teases us. 

As fans, the rumor mills and ESPN-led scenario suggestions are fun for about a week, but have now become about as interesting as a top 20 list on the fastest urinal flushes inside NFL stadiums.

Ahhh internet information about nothing ... thanks goodness for Jerry Jones, eh?

Tom Brady jerseys sell like shaved ice under the Tampa sun

Depending on which source you click, Tom Brady's Tampa Bay Bucs jersey is the NFL's best selling. So are his t-shirts, caps and I think underpants (we're checking on the last one).

This is hardly surprising, but what is weird is that many of the purchasers of Pirate Tom's famed No.12 are from outside of Tampa Bay - including Miami! - and even outside of Florida. 

Indeed many of the Bucs bandwagoners it would seem, are from New England, at least according to a story by ESPN which quoted recent sales numbers from online store Fanatics. 

A few wacky lobster rollers with loose change were apparently looking for a new winter look, and who'd blame them after witnessing Cam Newton's attempts at Jules Verne-ing the pigskin into the center of the earth.

These are the most popular jerseys - the Super Bowl iteration, you see.

We need to keep in mind that while many of these fans are likely to be Pats supporters, they may in fact be Brady backers above all else. So, the question begs that if Their Guy Tom happened to play a season with the New York Giants, would they similarly fork out money for a Big Blue 12? 

It's hard to imagine. Then again, there are a lot more sports fans out there in 2021 with closer ties to their favorite Kardashian than their local football team, so, you know ... 

Personally, I want to see Brady play a season somewhere else just to test this all out. But not in New York, or even the AFC East, just somewhere that stretches the logic of potential sportswear shoppers farther than a hamstring pull by Richard Simmons. I'm thinking ... maybe ... Denver. 

The Pats and Broncos have had too many spiteful games against each other for anyone to truly consider a Brady In Orange Super Bowl jersey from Fanatics, right? 

Plus, there's the fact that his contemporary Peyton Manning won in Colorado, which would make the whole thing weirder than John Elway starting a helicopter business in Wisconsin. 

Listen, maybe I've got this all wrong: maybe these jersey collectors simply love Josh McCown - the original Bucs No.12 - who is not only a nice guy, too, but has the sort of polished bob to rival Brady's any day of the Sunshine State week. How much for a McCown jersey ... anyone?

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