Cowboys quarterback contracts are made for internet disruption

Caps. 

Guarantees. 

Tags. 

It all hurts my head after a while, how about you? 

The money side of pro football tends to get the nerds bunched up in the shorts, which is why I suppose news of this kind is created in the first place. 

It used to be the sort of stuff left to an addendum, or slotted neatly below a free bobblehead giveaway. 

Now the bookkeepers are revered like Captain America.

Well, at least one thing remains the same: nobody generates news like the Dallas Cowboys, which is perhaps why when there’s literally nothing going on in the NFL off-season, a Cowboys story breaks the internet.

And when you can lead a story with simply, 'Dak's done', as SI.com recently did, you know 'dem Cowboys continue to be a winning news ticket.

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones surely knows this, which is why he waited for some quiet on Coming To America 2 chatter and a lull in Jenner-centric social posts to hit us in the eyes with a spicy Texan rub. 

Yes, Dak Prescott’s new $164 million deal (or whatever it is when you divide by several boring figures and carry the one) did us like Debbie this week, certainly because it’s the Cowboys, but mostly because the 24-hour news cycle is craving QB news like selfies. 

See, the supposed QB “carousel” we keep hearing about is spinning lamely like an Emmitt Smith GIF right now. It never stops, but rather just flashes and turns across our screens with no view of the goal line. 

Unlike the real thing it simply teases us. 

As fans, the rumor mills and ESPN-led scenario suggestions are fun for about a week, but have now become about as interesting as a top 20 list on the fastest urinal flushes inside NFL stadiums.

Ahhh internet information about nothing ... thanks goodness for Jerry Jones, eh?

The 2020 NFL season is here and look out, everything is different ... or is it?

The NFL is finally here, but a few questions loom ...

- With Mitch Trubisky starting, let's just just conclude that the Bears not only struggle to find QBs, but don't actually enjoy having them. Listen, they love football. They are the epitome of NFL history. And the all-time benchmark for football defense. Bears equals pigskin! But quarterbacking? Meh. 

- Aaron Rodgers was supposedly peeved that the Packers drafted another quarterback, Jordan Love. And yet, Brett Favre being packed and shipped off like aged cheese was okay? Same smell, different vintage.

- Apparently the Dallas Cowboys are again ready to win the Super Bowl ... again. That's what some pundits in ten-gallon hats are saying, just regular straight shooters like you and me. I can't see what's changed, really. They're in a terrible division, sure, but also a loaded conference that now features the Tampa Bay Bradys and a still very scary 49ers crew. 

- Speaking of Brady, is it possible the creamsicle training jersey makes him look more youthful? Damn that guy.

- The Rams new helmet design is questionable. Why change a perfect look? But after three or four Hard Knocks episodes in the Californian sun, I've come around. It's the metallic chrome blue - it saves it. 

- Still in LA, most predictable preseason round-ups are calling out Goff's blandness. Seems harsh - he's paid to wear a cool blue helmet and deliver spirals, not soliloquies. So, you know, get a grip.  

- Does anyone know what the Jags are doing? Are they actually in the league this season? Is White Goodman still the QB? Anyone?

- It's funny how so many people are off the Pats now. Really? I'm as tired of their dominance as the next guy, but betting against Belichick is like cutting the sleeves off a perfectly good hoodie. 

- I personally like the new Washington Football Team motif and logo. But when news sites only go by nicknames and write 'Football Team', they're surely having a dig. I hope the Football Team kicks your team's backside, punk news editors!

- Talking heads keep saying Kansas City will lose its home field advantage this season without fans. But if a club was ever at a disadvantage it's the Dolphins, who will have fans in 2020 ... tanned, perfectly pastel, swimsuited and glamorous, fans.

- Speaking of distractions, will Raider Nationers be okay with the eight-hour drive to Sin City while wearing their Darth Vader and Skeletor masks? Hope so.

- Jadeveon Clowney is a Titan for this season. How do we digest this? Let's give the last word to Coach Mike Vrabel: "Sometimes you end up coaching against those guys and sometimes you end up coaching them after you've been with them, so that would be the case here." Ah, no further questions.

Feasting on the NFC East

If Thanksgiving reminded us of anything, it's to be thankful for the NFC East, in spite of the baked and basted Eagles.

The division is mouthwatering, stuffed like a festive bird with all the trimmings---entertaining quarterbacks, rumbling pass rushers, gruff coaches and most importantly, rivalries of immense theatre. That's the key element in prolonging the peak of interest, defying the natural occurrence of a singular crescendo---the theatre of unpredictability. And the reigning champion New York Giants are about as unpredictable as it gets; the Cowboys as disappointing; the Redskins as thrilling; and the Eagles, well, as unseasoned. A dramatic stage has been set.

Already the Redskins deserve a standing ovation. Here was a club, so grossly commandeered from behind the offensive line and via the headset for years, you wondered if owner, Daniel Snyder, might be an even worse distributor of funds than, say, James Cameron, or Michael Bay---both world beaters in that category. Washington is suddenly more animated than Avatar ever was. 

The yet to be knighted Robert Griffin III provides the 'Skins a spread of offensive treats so sumptuous, the half-smoked hot dog from Ben's Chili Bowl is salivating. Certainly his running is a worry for defenders because truly good runners are capricious. Griffin not only cuts, he swivels and launches. It's untenable. But it's something further with him---he's unnerving. Michael Vick can tear past and edge, and yet, his presence doesn't unhinge ends in the same way. Not anymore. Griffin's attack, by contrast, is illusive as he probes for space with his feet, squeezes the ball into gaps as if it were malleable, and he finds room for that hair inside his helmet, perhaps that most unreal feat of all. 

Now that Washington is on a roll, it's feasible they could be carving Christmas turkey with a sense of comfort only a divisional leader can savour. But let's not belittle the Giants. All New Yorkers, not just those of grand political stature, or of regimented blue uniform, fight to the bitter end. It's just their way. So we should assume Big Blue Defense & Co. will bust through any complacency, and ultimately crash the playoffs. It's inevitable and you know it.

So which end of the saloon does that leave the Cowboys? In view of the leggy blonde eyeing out a Springsteen number on the Jukebox, or mumbling into a Miller Lite in the darkened corner beneath the elk? Perhaps halfway up the bar, with neither a shot at Dancing in the Dark, nor receiving hallucinatory advice from a mounted deer.

Tony Romo and Dez Bryant connected on two splendid touchdowns against the Redskins on Thanksgiving Day, which is presumably easy on your home turf and in front of a famous country singer. But for all the Cowboys' wild talent, Romo's relentless gun-slinging, and Bryant's powerful stride, they are surely victims of their own expectations. And ten gallons of good intention can't overcome that.

Against the Burgundy and Gold, America's Team stared down the barrel of a 25-point deficit---and Jerry Jones' distasteful glare---and yet, Romo bullet-holed the opposing defense like it was the O.K. Corral. Four-hundred and forty-one yards worth of spirals from the Dallas quarterback's arm later, the smoke cleared and Griffin's grin sparkled. 

Somewhat like his hero, John Elway, Griffin has that intangible knack for success. This irrepressibility is proving the difference in the NFL's toughest division.

Cowboys are the American Dream

According to the statistical maestros at ESPN, the Dallas Cowboys are America's most popular pro football team - still. ESPN Sports Polls has found that 8.8 per cent of surveyed fans support the 'Boys, which makes them more popular than even media darlings like the Packers, Pats, Steelers, or Jets - and presumably their hottest fan, Kate Upton, too. While that last point seems implausible, there hasn't been a club in the NFL's history that has built on its All American aura quite like the Cowboys, and for such a sustained period. It's the sort of branding brilliance Pete Campbell depends on to close a deal, failing other measures that is.

Think Dallas Cowboys and a multitude of images come to mind: the iconic starred helmet, Tom Landry's hat, buxom cheerleaders, Staubach's spirals and sideburns, Emmitt's spins - on an off the field, the Ring of Honor, Parcells raging along the sideline, Tony Romo scrambling, Jerry's giant arena, and well, bags and bags full of profit. America's team continues living the dream folks.