Rams and 49ers unis were once the magic thread in the fabric of the NFL

At first, the brighter blue and yellow of the Rams 2020 uniforms seemed in step with their recent rise. 

After all, things have looked up for Los Angeles football these modern times, harking back to the glory days of the late 1940s and early 50s. "Time to celebrate the good times!" ... a branding consultant to the club must have advised one fateful winter's day.

To be sure, chrome-tinged images of yesteryear hide whatever brightness might have existed in those earlier Rams unis. Only those who were actually there know how the sun bounced off those crew-cut era outfits inside the majestic L.A. Memorial Coliseum. 

To my eyes now, that old yeller was soft, and the blue more royal than anything else. Not so now, as the hyperactive, hyperintense, hyper-I-want-to-be-seen vibe takes hold across all of sports. Sure, in the Rams guide it's called royal blue ... but it looks more like Cool Blue Gatorade.

I'm just not sure what to make of the current get-up but it smacks of the sort of meddling only a mid-level marketeer with no sense of tradition could conjure up. Couldn't we get that kid on sanitary watch or something?

Why go brighter? Why? We can see the helmet, folks - the colors, the awesome Ram horn lines, even the facemask. I mean where does this end? You might as well move into shades of purple. At this point, ticking boxes for the sake of change seems more important than tradition. 

Now this all came to a head for me when the Rams recently faced the Niners, another team with a wonderful uniform - once upon a time. Today? Well, it's usually fine but sometimes, like against the Rams, the team dons a very bland all white - that's jersey, pants and socks - like a five-year old's pajamas. 

Hey, perhaps a kindergartener was interviewed for these uni designs, I don't know. No wait, sorry. I can't lay the blame for the black stripes and outlines of the numbers at the foot of an innocent kid - they'd be way more savvy with their Crayolas than to add black trim to red. 

The use of black as a primary color on NFL unis simply has to end. Did Roger Goodell sign a deal with Sherwin-Williams? What gives here?

I implore you to Google Roger Craig or Joe Montana - 'in the eighties': you will not see a finer uniform on the gridiron than that rich red jersey with three white stripes, gold pants and gold helmet. Forget the search, let me just paste one for you here ...

Magic. At least the current helmet is close to that older one but still has had the juice turned up on the gold because, you know, in 2020, really, really bright colors are so much more special. 

Maybe they should make the cleats rose gold while they're at it, because there's surely an uninspired graph on a frozen powerpoint slide somewhere that shows 11% of the population will just love it.

Florida Football And Its Leading Offenses

Life by the beach inspires an array of styles, not least of which is the irrepressible Hawaiian shirt. It’s an item that not only conjures the islands, but also California surfing, Miami boardwalks, and Andy Reid at the post-game podium.

For every elaborate floral print—and apologetic head coach—however, there’s a slick suit, and in a subtropical climate like Florida, there’s something both wildly insane and wonderfully cool about that. Of course, the man that made the suit-loose-tie combo iconic in the Sunshine State was Frank Sinatra, and to this day, the Chairman is the benchmark for making impossibly stylish sartorial moves.

Speaking of which, pro football’s three Floridian teams have also been daring to dream of greatness, if not on the sporting field then en route to it. For these clubs, 2014 might be highlighted by colorful runs from the locker room more so than actual footballing prowess. Still, in some circles, like club marketing meetings and around pro shop water-coolers, this might be a thrilling season. Indeed fashion, like football, is all about your perspective.

Which brings me to the latest ensembles of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Miami Dolphins and Jacksonville Jaguars, teams known for sun splashed decals. In the case of the Bucs, it’s not that their new unis are lacking pizazz, but more so that the team's brand and heritage has been put to the sword. Since the NFL banned the club from wearing its vintage creamsicle collection (due to nonsensical concerns over ill-fitted helmet switches), we don’t see it anymore. Instead, we’re faced with the bold red and beautiful pewter combination—now accompanied by an enlarged helmet logo—which is in its own way striking, and certainly useful to people short of sight.

Then there's the Dolphins, who have gone from their famed aqua to a distinctly brighter blue, and more notably, from a cartoon dolphin wearing a helmet to a sleeker elongated version completely void of protective head wear. What would Ol' Blue Eyes say? This proved a difficult adjustment for many among the Miami faithful, because the club's most iconic images are those awash with its venerable branding, that of Strock, Griese, Csonka, the Killer Bs, Duper, Mercury and Marino. You simply can't erase a winning formula. Well, you can, you just need a 40 year buffer since the last major success.

Finally, Jacksonville's new two-tone helmet is really quite astonishing. Did they run out of gold sharpies or something? I'm just not sure what to make of the whole amalgam, which seems more confused than Senator Keely in South Beach. When they called it the bold new city of the south, they weren't messing around, huh?

Now none of these designs are offensive as such, it's just that they defy tradition. And if we start neglecting NFL traditions, then what do we have? That's right, an even grizzlier version of Coach Ditka. And nobody wants that. So the only way to subdue the poked bear is to get Errol Flynn back on the side of Tampa's hat, demand that Flipper straps up, and have the Jags revert to their all black dome. Anything less than these moves would be akin to Colin Farrell trying to be Don Johnson, the ultimate of Floridian vices.