Which quarterback would you want if your starter went down?

To play our new game, which should have Hasbro knocking at the door any minute now ... you have to imagine a rather zany world order in which pro football contracts are superfluous and players can come and go as they please. (Didn't Brett Favre set this precedent?)

In this scenario, you’re a cowboy general manager – not specifically of the Dallas variety – and have the ability to cut ties with your signal-caller at the drop of a hat---quite possibly a Tom Landry style hat---which then, sure, would be of the Dallas variety.

The basic premise is that there must be a QB out there you covet more than a Kardashian home movie. So let's tap into your sub-conscious and talk about it. That's why we're here. If you’re a New York Giants fan, for example, and inextricably tied to Eli, you can, for just a moment, imagine having a quarterback that's less opportunistic, and more reliant on Montana-like accuracy and Elway like-arm strength. Or if you’re a Cardinals fan, maybe you envisage a QB with the ability to play all 16 games and reach the playoffs without a hobble. Imagine that!

Meanwhile, Dolphins fans could conjure a situation in which the Marino Era is a simply a sepcial chapter in Miami’s history book and not persistent nostalgia, impossible to supplant until another QB leads the team back to the AFC Championship Game, or dare we say it, the Super Bowl.

To this end, the below is a shortlist of NFL players we think would be the most coveted of all 32 current starters behind center, should your ace, your big cheese, go down. These players haven't been selected because they're necessarily better than Shane Falco, nor do they boast superior stats (no emails FiveThirtyEight), but because they possess the sorts of intangibles that make having a cool and impossibly professional quarterback the envy of every fan outside of New England, Green Bay, Pittsburgh, Indy and Baltimore.

Sure, you could make arguments for other QBs and other towns being mentioned in that last sentence, but we don’t have the time nor the inclination to complicate this soon-to-be party favorite, which we call Spin the Pigskin. A good game's a quick game, kids.

So who would you choose?*

Matt Ryan – They call him ‘Ice’, which is catchy and perhaps even more applicable when he freezes mid-play. Calm down Falcon fans, we see Matty’s improved movement. What we like here is his level head and ability to lead.

Johnny Manziel – "Let Johnny loose!" the mob cries, while Brian Hoyer devotees sob into their Blackout Stouts. What’s ailed the Browns is a distinct lack of well, quarterbacking, and while Manziel offers no guarantee of addressing this issue, he has bravado. That's right - bravado. You can’t buy it. Oh sure, you can make misguided money gestures, but you won’t be able to finalize a purchase. Not in this town, bub.

Derek Carr – He’s the young buck, the potential savior of Raider Nation, and yet nobody knows if it's all black smoke and silver mirrors at this point. Listen, he’s got guts and seems to be learning fast, so there’s plenty to like.

Cam Newton – Cool Hand Cam, the man with visor and superhero grin. He’s got a cannon that can be loose at times, and all that means is victory is one Hail Mary away.

Russell Wilson – Straight-laced and straightforward, he minimizes errors and runs away from trouble. He’s Tarkenton in the modern era. Smart, confident and frank.

Jay Cutler – Do customers come much cooler than Cutler? Maybe if they’re in a Sears browsing for a new fridge. Otherwise no. The hair, the despondency, the wife. He should be fronting Grizzly Bear not the Chicago Bears.

Phillip Rivers – He’s mad as hell and that’s why you love him. Come on. It’s sunny outside and he’s tossing a football around the park. And yet, instead of dancing around like the always effervescent Buggs, he's more agitated than Yosemite Sam. IT'S PHILLIP! NOT PHIL DAMMIT!

*If your starting QB is on this list then you obviously have fewer choices. That's the game folks - you already have a cool QB so really shouldn't be afforded any advantage.

What To Watch For: Fins - Raiders In London

When square shouldered American footballers storm into London’s Wembley Stadium this weekend, 80,000 odd sports fans will hope for a spectacle. They’ll anticipate heroic quarterbacking, rampaging rushes and pulverising tackling. But just as it is for fans of an English club treading the waters of relegation, hope isn’t always nearly enough.

In a historical context, they don’t come much mightier than the Raiders and Dolphins, who have five championship titles and rooms full of legends between them. Unfortunately, most of that success occurred in the 1970s, when roughhousing was as lauded as route running. The two clubs actually played in one of the NFL’s greatest ever games, a playoff in 1974 that saw six lead changes and an impossible last minute Raider victory.

That, however, was back when Gerald Ford was the American President and Elton John got around shirtless. The current Raiders offense looks predictably futile, and Miami’s once promising outlook is sinking like a bloated alligator into the swampy Everglades. While good fortune in English football seems to follow, well, the fortunes of very wealthy club owners, the American game is more dependent on the cohesion of its elaborate 53-man rosters. Given the locker room bullying fiasco Miami’s front office faced last year, it’s easy to see how teammates can drift apart.

Now understand that I say this not with a columnist’s disdain for sporting mediocrity, but rather with a face paint coloured tear bleeding down my cheek, because these are, in fact, my two favourite NFL clubs. Perhaps like many of you, I grew up tuning into the glittery gladiatorial battles of this sport from a world completely foreign to airborne theatrics, forward passing and referees who spend more time on microphones than Japanese stockbrokers in karaoke bars. 

In Australia, at least, American football had long been scoffed at because its players wore so much protective equipment and there were countless stoppages to the game. However, with recent concerns about concussions, and the fact that spectators are just as likely to break from the action to check their phones as another timeout occurring, such criticisms seem antiquated. We’ve changed, but the football remains thrilling.

I was always taken by the Dolphins because of the masterful quarterback Dan Marino. His stellar, albeit Super Bowl ring-less career, was underscored by his fireball throws and equally fiery temper. He desperately wanted to win and as long as he was on the pitch, the Dolphins always had a chance of fulfilling that desire. Miami fans haven’t felt this way since Marino retired in 1999.

With the Raiders, it was two things in the early eighties: back then they played in glitzy Los Angeles and their fans were nutters who dressed as pirates, ghouls and gorillas, among many other disturbing creatures. You can see how this might appeal to a seven year old.

Anyway, here we all are many years later, with both squads seemingly much less than the sum of their historic past. Still, don’t toss your ticket aside just yet because there are a few storylines worth following for this London fixture. 

Here are four of them, one for each quarter, perhaps:

Keys to Carr: Since taking over the starting gig from the ailing Matt Schaub, the Raiders rookie QB Derek Carr looks like the franchise signal-caller the club has waited an eternity for. It’s been a revolving door for the team at its most important position, but now Carr brings athleticism, smarts, a good arm and above all else, the type of poise this mad pirate ship needs.

Dolphins D: Miami hasn’t had much to celebrate of late but nobody can question the effort of its defensive unit. These guys charge into the backfield as if the opposing quarterback stole a tub of Gatorade.

Jumpin' James Jones: The veteran receiver has had his share of miscues but also has the ability to make great catches. If he gets an inch in the end zone, he’ll typically out leap his man to secure the ball for a score.

Trouble for Tannehill: Miami’s QB Ryan Tannehill has had a lukewarm start to the season and so as you’d expect, his seat is now hotter than a south beach tan. He’ll need to post about 300 yards worth of passing and bag a couple of touchdowns to keep his starting job.

Football's Trendiest Picks For 2014

Just before the NFL season starts, a few people lose their minds. It's as if the pent up energy sends them into a Pacino-like rage and before you know it they're snarling at friends and colleagues about the Chargers chances of going to the Super Bowl, and how YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY KNOW!

Many of these people work in the field of NFL speculation and report this to us online, where they routinely share such fun facts as Alex Smith will never be more than a game manager and that the Jags are on an almighty ascension. Oh, and the 49ers will be lucky to make the playoffs.

Huh? I suppose E should've stopped pursuing Sloan too?

As always there are other tasty morsels being tossed our way as the pro football table is set, and among those are the following:

Keys to Carr

Derek Carr is the starting QB in Oakland and this was the right move for a floundering organisation, we're told. Schaub is done, apparently, his arm now as heavy as the same slab of meat used in his infamous sandwich. We can debate the pros and cons of this decision all night but one thing's clear, and that is the Raiders may have had their eye patches on the wrong side all this time.

Then there's the Giants, who despite winning everything in the preseason will supposedly be abysmal offensively. Eli, it's no surprise, is the Mr Hyde to Peyton's Doctor Jekyll. It'll always be this way because Eli is an easy target—and he plays in a media market which excels at target practice. At least Dunkin' Donuts believes in him.

Monsters and BBQ

How about the Bears? Do enough people have them pencilled in for the Super Bowl yet? Listen, Cutler's arm is its own monster of the Midway, but the defense couldn't rouse a sleep-deprived Godzilla. 

More than a few experts who were bullish on the Bills last season and not so on the Jets, now see New York trending up and Buffalo sinking. What's changed? Well, I guess Smith was slightly better than Manuel last year, and neither of them came close to matching Tannehill in Miami. So logically, most pundits have the Fish finishing behind them both. 

Perhaps the most stunning withdrawal of faith is in Kansas City, a squad that did everything right last season until their points party with the Colts in the playoffs. That gutting loss will apparently be too much for the Chiefs to overcome this year, many say, despite them boasting the league's third best rusher, one of the game's most efficient passers, a potential terrifying pass rush, and the country's top bbq joints. Andy Reid is no slouch either, but maybe his tropical shirts suggest otherwise.

Throw a Dog a Bone

Hey I almost forgot, Philly will get to the big one, we're told. Yes, that's the Nick Foles led Eagles. Well, it's possible, I guess. Everyone thought Ivan Drago was impossible to overcome, didn't they? But why has the mob suddenly soured on RGIII and Washington?One minute you're the poster child for scintillation, the next your knee is less trusted than a slick new candidate on the hill. Where's Jaws when you need him?

Lastly, no hype reel would be complete without the Cleveland Manziels. You can understand why fans want Johnny Football on the field because behind the team's athletic o-line, he may just weave some magic not seen since the Kosar era. Then again, he might get crushed under a pile of slobbery dog bones.